My Stab At Trying To Write:)

[Wiffle]

I decided to go and give writing a try not that mean I am not a writer or creative but I am trying it for the first time on a forum so I would love to see how it goes what you guys think? unfortantly my grammer may be handicapped becuse of my figth with cancer and that stalled my academic work so here is my story I know that some people will be hard but I am already familiar with that.

[AlphaDawg]

Stop.

Do not write anything.

Come back when you learn proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. No one wants to read misspelled, backwards writing. I can barely read this post, and it's three sentences. (Should be two but that's beside the point.)

[Blake13512]

Hater alert

[AlphaDawg]

(11-05-2012 02:42 AM)Blake13512 Wrote:  Hater alert

Not hatin'. I love writers and writing, and I love to read (Working on LotR right now).

However: I am merely trying to help this guy out. Nobody reads writing with incorrect grammar. Writing MUST flow smoothly to get the best out of the story. How can I enjoy what I'm reading if half the time I'm pausing and going, "What did he just say?"

[Wiffle]

The faint sound of planes flying overhead and the distant boom of enemy artillery soon faded into the distance and then all that was left was the sound of the waves crashing into the shoreline and the chirp of the crickets. I adjust my beret and buttoned up my cardigan as the breeze from the sea started up I knew I was approaching a town up ahead that was settled by the enemy I took off my boots and started walking in my bare feet to help silence my step I was raised in the countryside and I am used to it but it is odd too others though so many call me the "Barefoot Ghost" but my real names Scott Sinclair and I'm on a mission given to me from the Royal Army too acquire a fellow commando that was caught sneaking out with some important papers from the National Army of what the paper were about I didn't know.
But what I do know is that the man they have is a friend of mine from college that seemed like such a long time ago when we were both in Letterman Sweaters and go to Rugby Games his went by his nickname of "Pierce" he was a interesting fellow in those days he was the heir to a small fortune and was given a historic flat near the college we could relate since both our parents died in a accident they went on a luxury liner bound on a cruise only for it to be torpedoed by the National Army we were both the only remaining relatives of our family name. I think of him as my brother since our families were both great friends. Of course not long after our parents ship was sunk a scandal begun over the ship carrying weapons of war the nation was enraged and not soon after war was called. Of course it was really about many things. We both enlisted and we haven't heard from each other since.
I started to approach a turn in the road and was stunned to see a jeep turning around straight for me "Stop or we'll shoot!" they got out of the jeep and got near me one was tall and lean he looked almost like he was someone important his dress was informal he had a white suit jacket with a white shirt and red ascot his jacket had a red carnation he wasn't dressed for war he was dressed for dinner his sharkskin grey pants and two tone wingtips confirmed it but he drew his luger and approached me the other solider was a guard he took out a machine gun but the well dressed man spoke after looking me up and down "Well, well if it isn't the "Barefoot Ghost" how nice too meet you my name is Van Cleeve, Konrad Van Cleeve and I know why your here!.

End of chapeter 1 thanks for reading tell me what your think I would love comments I'll try withh chapter 2 as soon as I can! [/align]

[Wiffle]

Well I tried my best on the story it being my first published. And yes I know the first thing I posted was confusing but I was confused on it too but it doesn't mean I can't write a good story grammer aside seems like the grammer nazi's are here too judge me sigh.

[Fobber1300]

(11-05-2012 02:51 AM)AlphaDawg Wrote:  

(11-05-2012 02:42 AM)Blake13512 Wrote:  Hater alert

Not hatin'. I love writers and writing, and I love to read (Working on LotR right now).

However: I am merely trying to help this guy out. Nobody reads writing with incorrect grammar. Writing MUST flow smoothly to get the best out of the story. How can I enjoy what I'm reading if half the time I'm pausing and going, "What did he just say?"

You Should make your Little Story thing to a video I dont want to read that

[Wiffle]

Do you think my story should be a video instead or are you talking to AlphaDawg?

[AlphaDawg]

*Reads story*

The amount of run-on sentences in this story is brutally astounding, to say the least. Makes me breathless just reading it in my head.

[sirhoper]

(11-05-2012 02:04 AM)Wiffle Wrote:  I decided to go and give writing a try not that mean I am not a writer or creative but I am trying it for the first time on a forum so I would love to see how it goes what you guys think? unfortantly my grammer may be handicapped becuse of my figth with cancer and that stalled my academic work so here is my story I know that some people will be hard but I am already familiar with that.

Come on, give him a chance; anyone's first story is full of mistakes.

[Knifes...:D]

Decent grammar now that you've actually posted it, but...
The Chunk of Text is very repulsive.
And so are the sentences made out of 4 sentences combined. Using . , ; puts more motion in your story.

[Wiffle]

Ya I tried to fix the big chunk of text but er it didn't quiet come out the way I wrote it on word.

[Wiffle]

But what does anyone think of the story itself?... meh maybe this wasn't so much of a good idea!

[lolxDkdw]

hmm im still back then

[Mr.Raptor]

The faint sound of planes flying overhead and the distant boom of enemy artillery soon faded into the distance and then all that was left was the sound of the waves crashing into the shoreline and the chirp of the crickets. I adjust my beret and buttoned up my cardigan as the breeze from the sea started up I knew I was approaching a town up ahead that was settled by the enemy I took off my boots and started walking in my bare feet to help silence my step I was raised in the countryside and I am used to it but it is odd to others though so many call me the "Barefoot Ghost" but my real name is Scott Sinclair and I'm on a mission given to me by the Royal Army to acquire a fellow commando that was caught sneaking out with some important papers from the National Army of what the paper was about I didn't know.
But what I do know is that the man they have is a friend of mine from college that seemed like such a long time ago when we were both in Letterman Sweaters and go to Rugby Games.He went by his nickname of "Pierce" he was an interesting fellow in those days he was the heir to a small fortune and was given a historic flat near the college.We could relate since both of our parents died in a accident(they went on a luxury liner bound on a cruise only for it to be torpedoed by the National Army) we were the only remaining relatives of our family name. I think of him as my brother since our families were both great friends. Of course not long after our parents ship was sunk a scandal begun over the ship carrying weapons of war the nation was enraged and not soon after war was called. Of course it was really about many things. We both enlisted and we haven't heard from each other since.
I started to approach a turn in the road and was stunned to see a jeep turning around straight for me "Freeze!" they got out of the jeep and got near me.One of them was tall and lean.He looked almost like he was someone important.His dress was informal he had a white suit jacket with a white shirt and red ascot.His jacket had a red carnation he wasn't dressed for war he was dressed for dinner his sharkskin grey pants and two tone wingtips confirmed it, but he drew his luger and approached me.The other solider was a guard.He took out a machine gun but the well dressed man spoke after looking me up and down "Well, well if it isn't the "Barefoot Ghost" how nice too meet you my name is Van Cleeve, Konrad Van Cleeve and I know why your here!.

I highlited some mistakes and also putted some ''Dots (.)'' I hope it is easier to read now
Anyway nice story

[TheeTreeHugger]

You took a pretty darn good stab!

[Agent___Jack9]

Next chapter????