[Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - Printable Version
+- Battlefield Heroes (/en/forum)
+-- Forum: Community Discussion (/forumdisplay.php?fid=28)
+--- Forum: War Stories (Role-Playing) (/forumdisplay.php?fid=49)
+--- Thread: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] (/showthread.php?tid=325839)
[Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - thespy1.0 - 17-03-2012 03:31 AM
"Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer"
Chapter 1, birth and early years:
I was born Thursday, August 20, 1936 in Buccaneer Bay. 3 days after the war had started, 3 days after peace was in Buccaneer Bay, I missed all that glorious peace by 3 day, all by just 3 stinkin' days. Because without all that peace maybe I would have known my father.
I was born Bobby L. Speedman, but everyone calls me Bolt. My father was Robert L. Speedman, he was the best racer in the world, nobody could beat him. He was also the world champion jeep warrior, nobody could beat his elite team of drivers. But then one day a new gang of drivers showed, and it changed everything. They cheated, they didn't even try to hide it, and they killed my father, and his entire team. The gang went off and hid, never to be seen again. I was only 3 months old, and yet I still remember him, like it was yesterday.
So I just explored BB on my own, I watched young drivers race, and have friendly jeep wars. I learned from them everything I know now; or did I inherit it from my father, who knows. One day, when I was 3 years old, a driver I see often was driving, stopped, and got out to talk with some of his friends. I climbed in the drivers seat and started to drive around, it went perfect, no crashing or anything. The driver saw his jeep moving and caught me, he was surprised to find a toddler in the drivers seat, but even more amazed by how well I could drive. His name was Joey, he took me in and taught me everything about jeeps possible- driving, stunts, shooting from a jeep, racing, repairing a jeep, mechanics, and even more.
When Joey took me in, he realized I had on a necklace, like a dog tag on a chain. It said who I was, and there was another tag too. This is what it said: "Robert L. Speedman, father of Bobby L. Speedman. R.I.P." It was my fathers necklace that he had added to mine, it was the only thing I had left of him. So Joey instantly realized who I was, and he realized I had the same talent my father had. He showed me to his friends and they were just as amazed. He had me do some of the friendly competitions he normally does with his friends- races, jeep wars, stunt contests, slalom, and even more. I won them all. I now practice with his friends regulary.
Chapter 2, little kid and early competition:
Joey knew I had the natural born talent my dad had, so when I was 6 years old, he entered me in a race with some amateur racers. They were amazed in how I managed to do tight turns, and get a head everyone else. I won 1st place by 3 minutes faster then every one else. Joey entered me in more races. I even had one in Wicked Wake, one of the hardest places to race, and I won them all. Realizing how fast I was, Joey nick named me Bolt, a name some what sounding like Bobby, to keep my father happy.
When I was 9 years old Joey entered me in my first jeep war in BB. I was alone in a jeep, you could only have one person per jeep, but I had a full team. Every one was laughing at how little I was, I could barely see out the front of the car. But I quickly gained the top score on the leader-board, and won the war for my team. Joey, satisfied and amazed by my performance, entered me in several others. Including in Seaside Skirmish, Sunset Showdown, Alpine Assault, and Coastal Clash, all a bit harder to have jeep wars in. All of them I got first place in.
One time Joeys friends that I would practice jeep wars and races with had to go on a vacation to Riverside Rush. Being a bit bored without any jeep wars and races, I just drove around with Joey. I started going off jumps and learned how to do flips. Joey realized I was pretty good at stunts, and entered me in a contest, I got first place off of a double back-flip 360 roll.
Chapter 3, growing up, learning the real world:
When I was 11, I started hanging out with some racers my age. I got more involved in the community of jeeps, and I started a team of elite racers. We had jeep wars against other teams and won them all. We were undefeated. We mainly just had fun together, hanging out, with little competitions within our gang.
When I was 12 Joey told me more about my self. He told me about my father, and the gang that killed him. I made a promise that I was going to get them back for that. I would find them.
I got caught up in my group and all, and totally forgot about the promise about the gang that killed my father. But my team became pretty good. We were well known, we had our sig, we filmed montages, we entered in contests and always won.
My 16th year on this world was the best ever. When I turned 16 I became a professional driver, that meant a job, getting paid to drive, what more could I ask. Joey got me everything about jeeps: wrenches, speed, jump, pocket jeeps, and more. Also I got my own jeep, not Joeys jeep, not a rental, not Joeys friends, my own, mine.
When I was 17, the unthinkable happened. Joey got in car accident. He was paralyzed from the shoulders down, making him unable to do anything in a jeep.
Chapter 4, just a gang on the street:
By the time I turned 18 I was practically rich from all the races, all the winning, all the 1st place prizes. I kept the money I needed, but not all. Instead, I opened a free program where kids from all ages could come and learn how to race, do jeep wars, and do stunts. I felt good to do so, to teach what I loved to some one new. My dad would have loved it, he would have been proud; if only he were here to see.
When I made the program, I thought about kids who were hurt in the war, unable to do things in a jeep, and I got mad. They couldn't use jeeps, I couldn't imagine never being in a jeep again. I thought of Joey. So I decided to help him, I would do something to make him be back in a jeep again. So I trained him, I helped him get back in the jeep. I helped him remember the jeep, and I taught him everything he had taught me. He was able to do it, he could drive again.
I was riding around with some of the top guys in my gang, when some other gang of royals came from behind a house.
The leader sneered "Were better than you"
And I said "No way"
"Yeah we are, and I'm definitely better than you"
My top guy in my gang said "Dude, this is Bobby "Bolt" Speedman, son of Robert Speedman, the most amazing driver ever"
The leader sneered back "Can't be that amazing if I never heard of him"
That was the last straw, I said "How about we settle this with a jeep war, unless your too chicken and think your gonna lose" So the jeep war began. It was an easy win, from the second I rammed into the leaders jeep, sending him sky high and killing him with one shot. The gang fled.
I thought we had driven the last gang outa town. Wrong. I was helping out a team with my program I created. Well apparently, another gang was giving them trouble, taking jeeps for joy rides, stealin' stuff, all those kind of things. So I got some of my guys and went to find the gang. They were driving over someones garden full of flowers. I was just gonna start shooting, but I noticed how a little hill looked like it would shoot some thing right into them. So I lined my guys up, and said "Go". We used ramming jeep and blew them up on impact. I didn't see where they landed, but I heard a faint scream coming from the ocean.
Thinking abut my dad, I remembered my promise, to find the gang who killed my dad. I asked Joey for more information, he said he had none. I asked him if there was some one who would know, he knew who. He sent me to a little house in the middle of a corn field by the Farm. Inside was a little old man, he was the judge for the jeep war my fathers team had with the gang. I asked him about it, and all he said was "waatafa". Hm... waterfall. So I ganged up my team, and headed off. We used jeep jump to get over on the mountain, we drove near the water fall. I stopped at the entrance to the waterfall, and peered inside, it was like a hidden cave. I saw something come out, a light, it was getting bigger and closer. Suddenly I realized what it was, a rocket! "DUCK, GET OUTA DA WAY!" I screamed. I still have minor burn-marks on my back. We rode our jeeps in, we shot randomly, throwing explosives everywhere. We could hear screams coming from the corners of the cave. Suddenly, I heard an engine rev up. I looked towards the back of the cave and saw headlights blinding me, a jeep was trying to get away! The driver smirked as he jumped out the entrance of the cave, I knew he was the one who had killed my father. "NO!" I yelled. I raced after it, shooting it in mid air. The explosion was one I will never forget, because at that moment, from the back of the cave, silhouetted by the shrapnel stood the very alive, kidnapped not killed, Robert L. Speedman.
Hope you guys like it, just a little story I whipped together, my first one ever. I decided since most people do war stories, why not a biography. Post any comments, I am open for constructive criticism, and any grammar help, also rat 1-10. I may make more chapters, but I really like the ending and all, so I will probably just put more stuff in the middle.
RE: [Bio] [Made-up]Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer - thespy1.0 - 17-03-2012 03:32 AM
OK, so one day I decided to look up Bolt Speedman, and it's actually a real person, well sorta. Bolt Speedman was Rob Dyrdeks made up name for himself when he was jockeying a race horse. It's really kinda funny, Rob Dyrdeks fantasy factory is my favorite show, and Robert is Bolts fathers name, which is Robs full name. Bobby, Bolts real name, can also be short for Rob, or Robert. Well Rob seemed like a good example of Bolt in real life, so I'm gonna share some pics.
RE: [war story] [Bio] [Made-up]Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer - awesomeness81 - 17-03-2012 03:38 AM
thats really good
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Made-up] - AlphaDawg - 17-03-2012 04:31 AM
I didn't read the whole thing, I will later, but you put a lot of work into this, and it seems really good. I like it!
Edit: Finished reading it, it was creative, although the lack of grammar and punctuation make for a hard read. The story itself was somewhat boring, it seemed too easy and the conclusion was far too abrupt.
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Made-up] - [B]lizard - 17-03-2012 04:46 AM
Voom voom! Its good
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Made-up] - devilhahacraps - 17-03-2012 06:37 AM
i like it its pretty good
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Made-up] - H3ROH4RDY - 17-03-2012 08:55 AM
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Made-up] - PAPRIKAAA! - 17-03-2012 01:56 PM
I didnt read it.. but i think its nice!
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - Cotozic - 20-03-2012 03:32 AM
Very nice dude, very nice. I saw your rate thread, and I'd be happy to give it a 9/10. The originality with your racing style was pretty cool :3 The twist especially was good. Who knew he'd be in a battle between life and death too!
Bolt seems like a great driver... I'd like to race him sometime... or have a war!
The Jeepwar we had on Saturday was fun though. We should do it again sometime.
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - xXbestmanxX - 20-03-2012 03:48 AM
good story but the plot was 2 simple and bfh is about toughens not everything being easy
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - Rogue#1 - 21-03-2012 08:31 PM
(20-03-2012 03:48 AM)xXbestmanxX Wrote: good story but the plot was 2 simple and bfh is about toughens not everything being easy
Your story was rather predictable.
Having the main character win win win with no trouble doesn't make for a very interesting story.
Keep working at it and you might get something good!
As long was you have the drive to write you will get better.
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - zutalors - 28-03-2012 01:33 PM
RE: [Bio] Bolt Speedman, the life of a racer [Rate][Open for critcism] - SigmaSlugger - 29-03-2012 07:30 PM
wall of text is wall of text. i'll read it later, but i'm having a continuity nazi spaz right now so please edit the title to [autobio] since it is written in first person. otherwise i'll never be able to sleep again
edit: read it, nice story. a few grammatical errors here and there, but since it was written by bolt himself, I think that's ok, just as long as you dont overdo it. good story, but thats a big cliffhanger ending. you should definitely continue, though i must say it was very anti-climactic. What you need to do is put in more detail. keep reminding yourself that when you write. detail! say it to yourself. reread what you write and ask yourself can you see it? hear it? smell it? feel it? TASTE it?! maybe not taste.. anyway good luck with future writing, bro