[Story] The War Detective (Chapter 2 is out now 09/08/11) - Printable Version
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[Story] The War Detective (Chapter 2 is out now 09/08/11) - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 12:59 PM
The following story is in progress.
This story follows the adventures of Detective Mackenzie, an officer in the Elite War Crimes Bureau (EWCB), as he investigates a serious of gruesome, mysterious murders in the countryside village of Mallum. Enjoy.
Rain poured down on the quite village of Mallum. Everyone was safe and warm in their homes or in the local pub, where an orchestra played out cheery music. The night was dark but the houses were bright as day, every lamp lit in every window. Not a soul was on the streets that night, except one. A shadow lurking in the alleyway, stalking round the paths. Waiting for someone else to join him.
A woman burst out of the doors of the bar, drunk as could be, singing a song no one could make out over her slurred lyrics. Wearing a silk, green dress, she was very attractive and she knew it. Men had bought her drink after drink in the hope of winning her favour but it appeared none had succeeded as she walked, alone, to her home. She bumped into a car and slipped, causing her to yelp, but she soon managed to pull herself up and make her way onwards down the street. Slowly and messily she trudged forwards until she reached a turning in to a badly lit car park, soaked and reeking of ale. She muttered a curse as she bumped into the wall and then walked onwards into darkness of the path ahead. She thought she was alone on that cold, rainy night. But alas, she was not. For the Shadow saw her. The Shadow heard her. And the Shadow came to get her.
No one heard the struggle and the screams that came from the car park. No one heard the soft thud of a poor woman's body hitting the ground. No one heard the scraping of cloth on gravel as it was dragged away. No one heard the squelch as the Shadow went to work. No one would know until the next, bright day.
Chapter 1-The Wolf
A battered army jeep sped down the dusty track, kicking up clouds of dust behind it as it roared towards the village. In it sat two Royal army guards and their special cargo-Detective Mackenzie of the Elite War Crimes Bureau. The driver grinned as he pushed down the accelerator and heard the satisfying rumble of the engine as it increased speed once more. Mackenzie looked slightly sick as he gripped the side of the car, his face pale with a hint of green. The other guard looked bored. He'd been on patrol with the driver many a time and his antics no longer impressed him.
The driver suddenly veered off from the path, narrowly missing a low stone wall, and into a corn field. The jeep tore through the crops, creating a fine dust that made them all cough.
"What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed the second guard, glaring at the driver.
"Scared, Jack? Can't handle a little shortcut?" replied the other.
"I can handle shortcuts. I can't handle having to pay a farmer in our own battlefunds for tearing up his crops!" said Jack "Corn doesn't grow in neat little squares by itself, you know!" The prospect of compensation made the driver a little sick himself, so he swerved right and sped towards the path. As they reached it, the driver slowed down to admire his handiwork. A huge line had been cut through the field, and crops were littered all around.
"Think he'll notice?" he said, meekly. Jack just sighed in reply and lit a cigarette. Mackenzie dusted off corn from his trench coat and shook his feet, doing his best to remove evidence of the jeep's little sidetrack. He glanced forwards as Mallum came into view, a small village in the background of the blue sky. It was dry and hot despite the torrential rain of the previous night, and the lack of clouds gave the whole area a postcard-esque appearance. As they neared the entrance, the stupour vanished and it became clear that this place had been the scene of an awful crime. Army jeeps were scattered across the road and a makeshift checkpoint had been set up, manned by armed guards. The Detective spotted several snipers chatting on rooftops, rifles hanging by their sides. The jeep rolled up and the men were commanded to exit the vehicle by a grim faced guard, who sent his comrade to rummage through the vehicle.
"Names, please?" he grunted, and the men answered. As Mackenzie spoke his, the guard's face lit up slightly.
"Aah, Detective!" he said, smiling "You're finally here! If you'll follow me I'll show you the scene." He pivoted and paced quickly forward, then took a left and walked down a cobblestone street. Mackenzie waved a quick goodbye to the driver and his friend, which they missed due to their fascination with the thorough search of the checkpoint guard. Turning back, Mackenzie listened to the man as he spoke about the state of the scene.
"The place has already been searched and the evidence marked. The coroner has taken a look at the body and we've gathered a few witnesses for you" said the man. "I'm Ryan by the way, but I doubt we'll meet again. We're only here to preserve evidence, so once you're done we'll clear off!" They came to a narrow alleyway and Ryan pointed to it.
"After you" he grinned. Mackenzie stepped up, smiled and walked on. Halfway through the smell hit him. Detective or not, it was obvious something had died there. He reached the end and entered a small car park, which was now empty apart from a few police cars and army jeeps. Guards, reporters and witnesses were scattered around, snooping around the area and sneaking quick glances of the body. Mackenzie walked over to it. A young woman, blonde with wide, blue eyes, lay on the stone floor, naked apart from a stained white sheet placed over her 'private areas'. An old man who was crouching next to it stood up and turned to him.
"I'm Thomas, the coroner here at Mallum P.D" he said, shaking the Detective's hand. "I could give you my observations but I thought it would be better if you took a look at the body yourself. Perhaps it would give you a greater idea of the brutality of this murder"
"Thank you Sir." smiled the Detective "So you're sure it's murder?"
"Take a look yourself" said the coroner, who then turned to the body and pulled back the white sheet. Mackenzie grimaced at the sight of the exposed body, and felt slightly embarrassed. He'd only seen a nude female once before. He crouched down and examined the neck, which was covered in blood. He took a cloth from a box next to him and sprayed it with a cleaning agent. He then wiped away the blood which revealed a deep scar beneath. Examining it for a second, he came to the conclusion that it was a knife wound. He thought back to his police training course and deduced it was a military grade combat knife, and the smoothness of the cut suggested it was well maintained.
"A knife wound to the throat. Military combat blade." said Mackenzie, to which Thomas nodded vigorously.
"Correct. From the mild bruising on the side it appears that the victim was grabbed from behind in a strangle hold and then had her throat slit." he said. Mackenzie tilted the head and noted the faint bruise from the choke hold. He whipped out his notebook and scribbled down what he had learned. Putting his notebook back into his jacket pocket, he shuffled backwards and observed the woman's torso. Scratched into it with a knife was a poorly shaped wolf's head and the words 'animals must eat'. Mackenzie was disgusted at the mutilation of the victim and tried to think of what it meant as he created more notes. He then flipped over the body and noticed bruising to the head.
"Any idea what caused the bruising to the head?" said the Detective. The coroner walked over and remembered his thoughts.
"Due to the irregular shape of the wound it can't have been a baton or any sort of army tool. I think it must have been a rock or a piece of slate from a roof. Perhaps you should check out the area nearby to see if there are any damaged roofs which could have provided the weapon." said the coroner. Satisfied with his findings, Mackenzie thanked Thomas and pulled the sheet back over the woman. Then he stood up and began his search for clues. Three pieces of evidence had been marked out for him with brightly painted wooden blocks. The first of these was a smeared bloodstain. This meant the body must have been dragged from it's original position. It also explained why there was no blood near the woman. The blood lead over to the alley through which he had entered the scene. The murderer had walked the same path as he had. Mackenzie grimaced as he stepped away to examine the other clues that would hopefully give him some idea of who had committed this terrible crime.
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:01 PM
Chapter 2: Moving on
The other leads were no spectacular discoveries. The other two markers were a blood-soaked green silk dress hanging from a nearby wall and a red stained rock which was most likely the weapon used to injure the woman. Mackenzie then searched around the area until he looked behind a small bush and found the woman's purse, revealing her name to be Ellie Saflan. She was 24 years old, married and had a 2 year old child. Her address was 42 Wren street, located in the north of the village.
He then spoke to the witnesses who only confirmed their idea of the events of the previous evening-she'd gotten excessively drunk and wandered off home. The last person to see her alive was a man named Mr. Folly, who'd seen her stagger through the doors of the bar on her way out. Satisfied with his findings, he wrote down the last of his notes and walked from the scene the way he had left. Several people nodded and waved to the Detective to wish him luck on his investigation. Mackenzie walked away from the crowd and took out his notebook. He decided he would head to Mrs. Saflan's house, inform the family and then take a look around. However, he didn't fancy the 20 minute walk to Wren street, so he looked around for his escorts and their jeep. After a short while he found Jack, the driver and Ryan chatting next to a brightly painted house. The conversation stopped as the driver noticed the Detective and pointed him out to the other men. They all nodded in acknowledgement and Ryan came over with a grin.
"Hello again Sir!" he said happily. When the others failed to greet him he elbowed the driver in the ribs and hissed at Jack.
"Hello Detective Mackenzie Sir" they mumbled, bored out of their tiny minds. Satisfied, Ryan continued.
"So, what did you find?" he enquired, looking briefly at the crowd of curious people gathered around the entrance to the alley.
"A few different clues. Her name is Ellie Saflan, she's married, she's 24 years old and she lives at 42 Wren street. If you want to look at my findings in more detail, take my notes" smiled Mackenzie, handing him the leather notebook. "That's actually why I came to find the boys and their jeep."
"Interesting..." muttered Ryan, gazing intently at the notes. There was silence for a few seconds until Ryan snapped out of his trance and spoke again. "Oh, um, sorry...well, we won't mind giving you a lift, will we boys?" The men nodded and shuffled off down the road. Ryan gestured at Mackenzie to follow, and he was lead back to the checkpoint, where they took a right and found the jeep, parked next to a shed. They clambered in to the cramped jeep, made even more so by the presence of Ryan. The vehicle spluttered as the engine was activated.
"Try not to antagonise any more farmers, eh?" chuckled Mackenzie as the jeep pulled away.
Five minutes later
Mackenzie and Ryan walked slowly up to the door of the victim's house. It was skin colour with white rims on the doors and windows. The door itself was a huge, brown wooden thing, one that would not look out of place on a medieval castle.
"This is the right place, isn't it?" said Mackenzie. Ryan nodded and pointed to the golden '42' emblazoned on the garden fence. The Detective rapped on the door and then they stepped back. A few seconds later it swung open, to reveal a middle aged man with black hair, blue eyes and a strange red chequered shirt.
"Hell-oh." he said as he noticed the Detective's police badge. "Can I help you?"
"Are you Mr. Saflan?" replied the Detective.
"Yes, yes I am. Is something wrong? Only Ellie, my wife, didn't come home last night. Is she ok?" he said worriedly.
"Could we come in?"
"Well, yes, I suppose so." said the Man, stepping back and turning away. He lead them into an expensively furnished living room where he offered them seats. He sat down on a table in front of them.
"Could you please tell me what's going on? My daughter is in the other room and she-" he started.
"I'm afraid your wife was found murdered last night" said the Detective grimly. The man stared open mouthed at the detectives for a moment.
"But-but she only...I mean, she just...oh god!" he stuttered, bursting into tears. He sobbed into his hands and Mackenzie felt rotten to have to interrupt him.
"Could you please help us by answering some questions? It might help catch whoever did this." said Mackenzie. The Man looked up, tears streaking his face, and nodded. And so Mackenzie got to the grim task of drawing information from the grieving man. Eventually they managed to get all the information they needed from him, which wasn't very different from what they already knew. The only piece of interesting information was they had had a big argument before Ellie left for the bar, about her spending a lot of money on a dress. Despite all the crying from her husband (whose name was Edward), it meant that he could not yet be ruled out as a suspect.
"Could we take a look around?" the Detective enquired softly.
"Yes, if you want to!" hissed the man, whose pain was now turning to resentment of the policemen in his house. Except, Ryan wasn't actually a policeman. As he thought about it, he wasn't sure why he had come in with him, but he didn't want to bring it up. So, they stood up and began the grim task of finding out if Edward Saflan had killed his wife.
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:02 PM
Res for story.
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:03 PM
Res for story.
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:04 PM
Res again, sorry!
RE: [Story] The War Detective - shiftyguy - 06-08-2011 01:11 PM
RE: [Story] The War Detective - simple.man - 06-08-2011 01:15 PM
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:17 PM
No, reserved, sorry if it wasn't clear
RE: [Story] The War Detective - YourBuddyFuture - 06-08-2011 01:19 PM
tooo lazy to read :/
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 01:21 PM
Do you not like it or is that just spam?
RE: [Story] The War Detective - utterDEFEAT - 06-08-2011 01:59 PM
if your to lazy to read why come and spam his story, its a good story nice use of imagery and i can paint a pic of whats going on in my mind and its INTERESTING = death
but anyway if your to lazy to read theres no reason to post that and it makes you seem like a complete idiot
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 02:07 PM
Thank you very much^ For the comments and pointing out the needless spam!
RE: [Story] The War Detective - utterDEFEAT - 06-08-2011 02:56 PM
you are welcome
sry for late reply BTW
RE: [Story] The War Detective - jamesroberts221 - 06-08-2011 03:03 PM
That's fine If you have any ideas for the story, don't hesitate to give them to me!
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - godzillaboy100 - 07-08-2011 08:24 AM
This is a great story. I hope you continue to write more chapters.
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - jamesroberts221 - 07-08-2011 11:27 AM
Thanks godzilla! I never thought a japanese monster would comment on my story but yeah I'll hopefully write chapter 2 later today.
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - godzillaboy100 - 08-08-2011 01:07 AM
(07-08-2011 11:27 AM)jamesroberts221 Wrote: I never thought a japanese monster would comment on my story
You'd be surprised. We had Gigan and Rodan here, too. They left after the uber update in the game, though.
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - jamesroberts221 - 08-08-2011 01:38 PM
Lol, a shame, I would like to meet these beasts.
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - jamesroberts221 - 09-08-2011 12:04 PM
RE: [Story] The War Detective (Chapter 1 live now!) - IBLiTZKRiEGI - 09-08-2011 12:55 PM
Nice so far, good read!